I thought I knew grief and sadness. I thought I knew what it felt like for my heart to break. It turns out, I didn’t. Not really. I lost so many family members, some close family friends. But then, I was too young or I was too far away. I was somehow too detached to feel the everyday ache of missing someone.

Exactly a week ago, I lost my beloved cat, Missy. I watched her draw her last breaths. And before that, I watched her as she grew weaker yet never lost the gentleness or her love for us. On that day, I didn’t lose a pet, I lost a family member.

There are not enough words to describe what I lost on that day. The next day was the saddest day of my life because it was the first day I had to wake up without her. For the last two and a half years, she filled our lives with gladness, with comfort, and with love. It didn’t take her long to steal our hearts. She was the gentlest of beings, and she fit right into our family of three – Missy and her four paws made us a family of four.

The first few days were awful, most of them I spent drowning in tears and loneliness and darkness. The next days were better, when I felt that I could smile or laugh again. But then even in the better days, there are moments like this…. when the memories hit me and my heart breaks all over again.

Goodbyes are never easy, but I live with the hope and belief that this life does not end in goodbyes, but rather in hellos in eternity.